Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
