K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize