All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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