Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
