There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
