Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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