i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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