I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize