remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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