My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
