And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
