Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
