I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
