she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
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