Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
