Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
