yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize