I'm pants shitting drunk right now
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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