FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm passing your future prison.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
