That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
