found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
