i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
