There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
