You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
