You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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