apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
