i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
