I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
