sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Pants are for mortals
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
