So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
