I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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