He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize