Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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