She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
