You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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