Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I bet he comes in French.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
