I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So apparently I’m into choking now
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
