he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
