Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
