woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
