Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
