I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
