I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
that's an acceptable place to lick
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
