he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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