Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
