I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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