You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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