Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You made out with two different species that night
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
