On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
