im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
