I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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