my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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