First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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