youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
