If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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