Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
