Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize