I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
