Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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