Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
