Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Randomize
