It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
