i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
