Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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