he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I have tasted many bathrooms
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
