My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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