Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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