Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
