He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
