This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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