I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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