Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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