covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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