I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My pussy is not your playground.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I wish there were birth control emojis
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
