I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
God I need to hump something, right now.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
